Having spent the last the last 26 years (+) pursuing a ‘career’, I am fast realising that perhaps this relentless pursuit of climbing the ‘career ladder’ does not give you what you actually need or want in life. (how many rungs has this ladder, it now feels as though my ladder is extendable and never bloody ends?). I am lucky in that it gives me a salary that ensures I can ‘treat’ myself when I want – now we are not talking endless Jimmy Choo’s (I don’t own one pair of designer shoes, as I work in clothing & footwear so I understand the value/mark up of things, plus I am from Yorkshire, so I am also extremely ‘prudent’ or tight as my other half describes it).
Approaching mid-life certainly puts a new perspective on things, and the realisation that ‘quality of life’ has been vastly under valued until now. I have always aspired to work for myself, yet the nagging doubt of ‘can I pay my mortgage?’ and ‘you need a pension’ keeps looming over me to such an extent that the fear of failure over takes me…
When I was younger with the knowledge that life seemed never-ending and I had little fear of the future, taking risks was normal. (My love life seemed to represent this quite accurately. To say I had dreadful taste in men is an understatement. Dave the DJ in the 90’s embodies this , from his bird shit streaked hair, moustache and shell suit, to his very misplaced impression that he was actually ‘great in bed’ – his words not mine. It felt more like a competition after that comment. Lets just say his highlights lasted longer than our relationship..). I digress…
So do I keep myself safe in the knowledge of being able to pay the mortgage, but getting very little in the way of work satisfaction? Or do I risk it and start the ball rolling? As the fear of sitting in my ill-fitting Edinburgh Woollen Mill cardigan and elasticated trousers (from the back of the Mail on Sunday) in another 26 years time, looking back and regretting that I never tried is beginning to look more scary than actually taking the risk?…..
Not Ready for Cardigans 